Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Monkey See, Monkey Do Xanax and Maul Woman

In a country gone mad with socialism, we finally have our bread and circus to take our eyes off our getting bent over the stove. Travis the demented chimp went on a rampage and ripped the face off it's owners best friend, and possibly her fingers as well. Chimps are known to bite off faces, genitals, and digits when they attack. The owner told reporters that she had given the pissed off primate xanax some time before the attack because he was agitated. Some people are stupid, and get what they deserve. Had this dope been attacked instead of her friend, I would have nominated her for the darwin award. You can't expect good things to happen when a 200lb chimp attacks. If you don't believe me as to how stupid this woman is, who calls the cops on 911 and asks them to shoot the animal while she is on the phone. WTF? Like they can do it over the phone. Such cases show the uselessness of 911, also known as dial a prayer. To make matters worse, the idiot, probably half-assed, stabbed the monkey with a butcher knife. Unless you pierce a vital organ like the heart or brain, such methods are futile on hostile creatures. Better would have been a glaser saftey slug from a .45 in the sternum. Mr Bojangles would have been made room temperature at that point. The only thing missing from this absurd drama is Barack Hussein Obama. I am sure there is something in the stimulus bill for irate chimpanzees. Hope and Change Travis, Hope and Change. 

Thank you for reading this blog. 


Jay B. said...

"The only thing missing from this absurd drama is Barack Hussein Obama"

I'm not sure what the president has to do with this; for that matter, I don't know what socialism has to do with this either. You seem to be all over the map without coming to any point.

Wild animals are just that......WILD. You cannot make pets of wild animals

The Right Guy said...

Jay B. or should I call you Basso Cantante? I am not all over the map really. the whole chimp story has an air of absurdity to it, and when you contrast it with what is going on with our government, it is truly bread and circus that keeps us off what is most important. I have to admit that I find myself quite down at the prospect of living in a socialist nation, which I find equally absurd as a chimp with lyme disease on xanax that rips it's owner's best friend's face off while the owner is yelling at the 9111 operator to shoot the beast. If Obama is going to promise us everything and more, and very least he should have helped the poor chimp, don't you think? It's all fucking absurd.

Bug said...

People are insanely stupid... that's all there is to it.

Get a dog or a cat, for crying out loud!!

The Right Guy said...

How much you want to bet she voted for Obama?

Bug said...

I don't think I'll take you up on that bet... I'm sure I'll lose.

Anonymous said...

That simian had beautifully whitened teeth and hardly any sign of male pattern baldness. I bet he could get a huge boner whenever he wanted too also.

Heck, he's an American hero.

The Right Guy said...

I suppose you might say he's a great american and listened to Sean Hannity. All the better Mr. Bojangles went to primate valhalla.

The Right Guy said...

Looks like violent chimp behavior runs in the family:

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